5 PRACTICAL WAYS I DEAL WITH ANGER TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK

Dealing with anger to make marriage work is extremely important! It is not surprising that most people want a “perfect” marriage, but in reality fights happen. For some people, anger has been a huge stumbling block. At times, one can get so angry that they begin to think and wish the worse things ever. Things like, “I’m not good enough for my spouse”. Emotions could get so strong that others may begin to wish that their marriage ended, or that they/their spouse could just die. A few even contemplate suicide at some point. These emotions are so real!

I recall being terribly angry and then getting even more angry that I got angry. With the negative energy, I become a bag of bad emotions, resulting in the whole situation becoming very complicated.

In the early days of my marriage, when I’m mad at my hubby, I would take certain actions like:

• Sleeping on the floor next to the bed where he’s lying or going to rest in another room. I did that because I didn’t want to be close to him in anyway. Silly me, it was also just a way of throwing a tantrum to prove that I am really upset
• Serving his food in a different plate instead of eating together like we would normally do
• Being proud to be the first one to apologize. Even after he apologizes, I’d refuse to say that I am sorry. Yes, I know that’s mean
• Saying hurtful things on purpose to make him feel bad
• Nagging about his past mistakes and not wanting to let them go
• Attacking him verbally, not minding his feelings and damming the consequences
• Confronting him in the presence of others when the emotions are on top gear etc.

At the end of the day, regardless of who was at fault, I’d find myself crying profusely. Crocodile tears you may think? Definitely not! I’d cry to God for help. I’d cry to myself to ‘please put in more efforts to change, to be a better person’. Anger was taking a toll on me.

Months into my marriage, a new me began to emerge. Here is how I began to deal with and still curb anger in my marriage. They are also very practical things that you can try to begin to and ultimately have a peaceful home 😇

1. Prayers

It’s quite obvious that I was going to begin with this point having recently said that “I’d cry to God for help”. Prayer is indeed the master key! A simple prayer like: “Dear God, please forgive me for always being angry and grant me the GRACE to overcome this anger” is what I ask. This can and will definitely go a long way. I don’t need to emphasize how much God wants your marriage to work!
Grace is a reward of something not deserved. In this case, you can just wake up to realize that you do not get excessively angry anymore and furry is now completely a thing of the past.
When I am alone in the house, I’d pray and pray (and cry if I have to) pleading with God for help! It’s obvious to me that my prayers are being answered, the same way yours will be also.

2. Advising myself

“Anger rests in the bosom of fools” is always the first thing that comes to my mind each time I’m angry, especially for a long time. Another scripture I know to help me not to keep malice is “don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry“.
I begin to list a few consequences of the stupid actions that anger can cause, including things that may involve the police, God forbid! I also think of how much my husband feels hurt and miserable when I’m angry (for those who can relate) and then my anger begins to turn to remorse. From then I get sober or should I say subdued.
I then begin to think of the best way to handle the issue on ground

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3. Passive actions

After faith and talks, now it is time for me to add the works.
I list the things that my husband would do to get me so furious and I began to literally say aloud: “I will not get angry because of this…”, “I will not get so furious because of that…” It works for me and may work for you also.

4. Active actions

This is the hard part and sometimes could get extremely difficult (if you have both anger and pride) but it is also very doable.

• This is the stage where I have to swallow my ginormous pride to apologize. I say a few sweet things, that’s if I have the grace to add those
• It might be a good idea for me to be quiet for a moment. If this is your approach, there’ll have to be an understanding that this is the case. Some spouse do not appreciate withdrawals so communication will be key at this point).
• While being quiet, I think about my hubby’s good attributes. This usually includes something like a chore that he might have done that day to assist in the home
• This is also the time where we might get to talk about things to get them off my chest. The hope and aim is to get to understand ourselves better.

5. Flowing with change

With the birth of our first child, suddenly, I realized that somehow, I need to be more loving, patient, tolerant and empathetic. With the decision to be so, I have come to see that it has become easier for me to deal with anger quicker than before.
For you, change could also be the birth of a child, positive efforts from your spouse, a new job, achievement, property, any form of relocation, etc basically change, good or bad but I hope good.

A lot of work? Well, I need my marriage to work! We got into marriage hoping that it would excel and so we need them to work! It pleases God and builds holy nations that we are!

After reading this, If you suddenly find yourself being furious and you happen to have an outburst or you respond in a way that you’re not proud of, trust me, it is entirely OK, DO NOT beat yourself up, just go back to step one, Keep praying! It can only get better 🙏

This is how I have been dealing with anger in my marriage.

All the best overcoming anger with our spouses!

Every marriage is unique! there’s indeed no formula hence the need to figure things out and work out your own marriage.

P.S. Just one word, phrase, clause or sentence can bring the positive change that you need. Find it here @gloryinyou⭐😇

CHECK OUT my YouTube channel on Daily Use of English with Cheryl Udomessien. That’s something else I’m passionate about. I bet you will find it very interesting😃

Disclosure: Please note that the amazon links below are affiliate links and I will earn a commission at no additional cost to you. When you use the affiliate links below, I will be compensated. This will help me run this blog and keep all of my content free of charge for readers (like you).